Hola,
muy bueno.
Ayer por la noche estuve de torrero un rato en LEVX_TWR. Aterrizó un B767, pero se salió por la otra parte de la pista (por lo visto, se le quedó corta). Cuando lo vi más allá de los límites, le comenté que podía tomar la salida de la autopista para el aeropuerto. Nos reímos un rato.
Os pongo unos textos, sacados de la vida real, que son muy divertidos (creo, jeje). Espero que os gusten.
Es un poco largo.
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Le dice uno a la chica de información del aeropuerto:
- Por favor el vuelo de Argentina llegará pronto?
- Lo siento caballero, viene demorado...
- Bonito color señorita para el avión pero quiero saber si llegará pronto...
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Mamá, mamá, en el cole me llaman azafata
-¿Quienes, hijo?
-Los de delante, los del centro y los de atrás.
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ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?"
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."
ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years..."
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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"N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
"N123YZ, say speed"
N123YZ, "speed"
"N123YZ, say flight plan cancelled"
N123YZ:Flightlevel 350, 300 Knots
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ATC a un avion que habia usado demasiada pista en el aterrizaje:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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Pilot: Radar, Good Day, Airforce Blackbird, request FL 600(!)
Controller (amused): Sir, if you can reach, you are cleared FL 600
Pilot: US Air Force Blackbird, leaving FL 800, decending Level 600...
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AVO: Getafe torre: EC-ZZZ autorización para taxi, destino Barajas.
TWR: EC-ZZZ, autorizado. Comunique abandonando el aeropuerto.
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Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W immediately ..."
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Una controladora joven, le pide a un piloto ya mayorcito que mantenga velocidad alta en final, y le dice:
-¿EC-XXX, puede mantenerla alta?
A lo que el piloto responde
-Que más quisiera, señorita, pero a mi edad hago lo que puedo.
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Airline Jokes
Tower (at Stuttgart): Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots.
Pilot: This is exactly like Frankurt. It's either 210 or 170. Never anything else; but we are soo flexible ...
Tower: So are we. Reduce to 173 knots.
Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck.
Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.
Pilot: Condor 471, I'm waiting for my Follow-me.
Tower: Negative, see yourself how you get to gate one-oh ... -
Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS one-six.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land one-six, wind 5 knots zero-zero degrees and by the way: this is Vienna Tower.
Pilot: (After a little while) Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!
Pilot: (After a little while) Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?
Tower: You can believe me, this is Vienna
Pilot: But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left heading oh-three-oh and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava.
Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!
LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check
Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.
Tower: Swissair eight-oh-nine, turn left heading directly for Trasadingen VOR. Do you need a radar vector ?
Pilot: Negative, we are receiving VOR. It's directly where the moon stands.
Tower: I couldn't say, I don't have the moon on my radar.
Pilot: Frankfurt information, this is Delta Bravo Zulu. We're over Dinkelsbuhl flight level nine-five.
Tower: Delta Bravo Zulu, you're requested to call Munich information!
Pilot: I know, but I find your programme more exciting.
Tower: DE..., turn downwind for runway two-six, you're number two behind a DC-9 turning base leg.
Pilot: DE..., turning downwind for two-nine, following a DC-6.
Tower: Not quite: Runway is two-six, traffic a DC-9.
Pilot: Roger, follow a DC-26 ... what was the runway?
Pilot: Apron, Interflug 195, requesting start-up.
Apron: Sorry, Interflug 195, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination ?
Pilot: As always on Monday, we're flying to Leipzig.
Apron: But it's Tuesday today!
Pilot: What? Tuesday is our day off!
Tower: Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading.
Pilot: Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...
Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked, they're all working.
Tower: Delta Oscar Mike, squawk 0476.
Pilot: Say again.
Tower: Squawk 0476.
Pilot: Four, zero...?
Tower: Do you need an easier one?
Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.
Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..
Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM two-four-two request start up and push back, please.
Apron: KLM two-for-two expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Apron: Affirmative.
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!
Eggenfelden Info : D-EXXX pls. report persons aboard.
D-EXXX (C-172) : Pilot and two pax and one dog.
Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to a stop): Assume the Pilot-in-Command was the dog ?
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Un piloto de Barakaldo está oteando el horizonte. Un TMA se le acerca y le dice: "Oye patxi, ¿que pasa algo?"
El piloto contesta: "pues que no me arranca el motor número dos, joder."
El TMA dice "¿has probado a darle una patada?"
El piloto responde "Joder, claro. Pero... ¿dónde cojones ha caído?"